I Ride My Own White Horse ...

What Not to Say to a Cancer Patient ....

I like so many others never know what to say when someone tells you that they have cancer.  There is that moment of shock and dismay - sorta like a deer caught in the automobile headlights.  Then the words begin to flow.  While I have only had to deal with this situation from the "other side" of the conversation for a couple of weeks, I have learned a great deal.

Some of my favorites:

"I hear that they can cure you most of the time" - Believe me, cancer patients are well aware of the statistics.  While we don't want to listen to them, we know the realities.

"My grandmother died of cancer, it was horrible" - Again, no need to dwell on the obvious.  Any death is horrible!  Unless you are 100+ years old and have lived life to the fullest.

There is no need to try to determine which "stage of dying" the patient is currently experiencing.

Nor after sharing the treatment being faced should you say "that doesn't sound so bad."  There is NO good treatment!  There is no magic pill that painlessly takes it all away.  Any cancer treatment is difficult on both the patient and those who are supporting that individual.

So the next time you find yourself in this difficult situation, all you need to do is say, "I'm truly sorry you must face this illness."  It is easy.  To offer words of support is always welcomed. 

Starting over ....

Fourteen years ago, almost to the day I moved to Huntington, WV.  We were starting over, a new job for my husband, a new house, a new community.  Within a few months I realized that my employment options were limited and I truly missed working!  Because I had 3 small children, childcare was my number one priority.  My perfect option was to start my own business!  Work from home and be able to support my kids.

Thus it began. Within a very short time I was able to create a website and find paying clients.  I was on my way.  It didn't take long before I grew the business to the point where I needed employees as my client base grew.  I made the decision to take the step of opening any office in Barboursville.  I was on my way ...

OK, maybe just for awhile.  In 2001 so many things around my business caused me to have to pull back and relocate back at home.  I was angry, I was frustrated, but I also knew that I had no choice.  It seemed like daily I drove around town looking for the place that my office would one day occupy. I wasn't willing to accept this set back, but I had no choice. 

Finally in 2008 it happened!  I was finally in a position where an outside office was possible and I could again focus on growing my business.  I was so happy when I moved and saw my business once again grow with so many new opportunities.

OK, maybe not so fast ....

Here I am again in 2010 closing the office and moving back to the place I started 14 years ago.  This time I again have no choice, it is a necessary decision.  

So I am back where I started knowing that I will start over and create a new path of success ... it will just be a bit different this time.  Fortunately this time I am not doing it alone!

Planning another Event ...

Maybe I should just look at this as just another event to plan?  After all it is, right?  A bit different in that the event lasts weeks or months, but nonetheless an event in my life.  There will be many details to plan, activities to coordinate and tasks to complete. Things I enjoying doing.

First the site selection - Where should treatment take place?  As I do so often in my job, I visit those places where I want to hold an event.  I look over their facilities, I talk with the staff, I ask questions as to their abilities to help me achieve a successful outcome.

My first site visit was to the Comprehensive Cancer Center at Cabell Huntington Hospital - affiliated with Marshall University.  It is a nearly new facility with lots of whistles and bells.  The heated exam tables were really cool!  The Doctors and nurses were all very pleasant, the medical students nervous.  Today I will visit with the Radiology department.   Their approach to coordinating this event makes a lot of sense to me and their confidence was comforting.

As I never only visit one hotel - even when I know from the start where I will end up, I will make an appointment today to visit another facility in Cleveland.  This one much larger in size, many more options offered, a choice.  The hospitals in Cleveland have an excellent reputation and are known to be successful. 

Then I will decide.  Which site is better suited to me to host this event? Which site will give me the best possible outcome? In planning meetings I have learned a great deal about what "fits" the groups I work with.  I have learned that bigger isn't better, cost does not always equate to quality and personal attention is far more important then any other attribute.

This just might be the most important site visit I ever do .... as the future quality of my life depends on it.

Fortunately I am very good at my job!

Some hats just don't fit ....

My Favorite Hat jkhewett

So today as I begin this new journey I will be given a new hat to wear, one of a medical patient. This hat is one that I never asked for, one that I never picked out intentionally. It was forced upon me by complete strangers who I must now trust with my life.

I blame my Grandmother for my love of hats. She wore them often and she wore them so well. I can see her so clearly in my mind as she would try them on; trying to decide which looked best. As she grew older, her hair thinned so she also wore lots of wigs. Always something different - always chosen carefully.

Hats are worn for many reasons - to protect ones head, to provide warmth, or to hide a bad hair day. Some hats show support for our favorite team, company or cause. Hats are also worn to tell more about who we are or the roles we play in life - the helmet of a solider or the hard hat of the construction worker.

Many of my hats are of the later - I play many roles. Most of these hats I have chosen. I've selected and placed them on my head after years of hard work, training, and intention. I want to wear these hats because of the joy they give. I love to show them off as I know I look good in them. They fit me!

This new hat, one of a patient, I don't like, I don't want - I hate. Just like the little child in me who never wanted to wear that stupid orange name tag on the first day of school at the age of 5. I didn't want the label - I knew who I was and I knew where I was going. I didn't need to be identified in such an ugly manner.

I will wear this hat, even though it looks ugly as it sits upon my head. I will wear this hat where ever I go, feeling the odd stares of strangers. Knowing the pity they feel for such a poor sight. I will wear this ill fitting hat as it is required. I will not however wear it any moment longer than necessary.

I am now working to find a new hat ... one that does fit! I want to wear the hat of a survivor~

What is normal anyway? Is is normal to wait this long? It is normal to feel this way? Why didn't it happen to you this way? Why is my story so different?

It is different because it is me and not you!

I must trust that this is "normal" ... the question then becomes WHY should I trust YOU???